i aint been too good – National Poetry Month – 4/11

I ain’t been too good

At all of it lately

Ain’t never been things that go well ever

Me

All of it

But I’ve always given myself more

If a net only catches 2 fish of a whole school

Then you’re ought to always be tryna find more schools

What I mean is

No matter how little I do

I’ll never be good at all of it

So I do all I can

So the some I am

Is as much as it can be

But still that leaves me with all of these weights to carry

Leaves me with alot of dropped pieces of metal

It isn’t that I go anywhere else

I’m just better at imagining here

as something different than what it actually is

When I stare out the window in class

It isn’t because I don’t care

It’s because I’m imagining a world in which I can actually keep up in class

Or even picturing a plan to make it real

But then my teacher calls on me to answer a question

And there are five more I have to answer for myself before I can get to what she is asking

And she looks at me like a failed project

She says its the simplest thing

She asks someone else

and that

Is how you discourage someone from wanting to actually be where they are

 

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